November 21, 2011 (10 weeks pregnant)
Miracle. This is the word that I've often heard used by mothers to describe pregnancy and childbirth. I never quite understood exactly what they meant and thought that perhaps they were exaggerating the experience. My skepticism didn't stop me from wanting to find out though. When we were going through fertility testing and finding out what difficulties we faced, people were often quick to tell us that we could just adopt. While I understand that they meant well and that adoption is very special in its own way, my heart was set on getting to experience pregnancy, childbirth, and all that goes with it. After eleven disappointing months, I finally got a positive test! Then a negative…then another positive…then another negative…and a third positive. We found out later that I was a week ahead of where I thought I was which meant my HCG levels were so low that it was easy to get negatives. I had taken the test so early because I was experiencing extreme exhaustion and figured that I was either pregnant or having a mono recurrence. Obviously, it was the former.
It's amazing to me that my body experienced such changes so quickly, literally within a day or two after conception. At that point, the baby was only a tiny embryo but it set off a chain reaction immediately. Within two weeks, I was experiencing a full range of pregnancy symptoms from the continuing exhaustion to all day morning sickness, food aversions, an increased sense of smell which goes poorly with the nausea, abdominal cramps, and even odd ones like recurring hiccups. Despite all the obvious signs of the baby, I doubted I was really pregnant. I've heard of women causing pregnancy symptoms because they want to be pregnant so badly and was afraid I could have done that. I was also terrified that every cramp was a sign of impending miscarriage. I was so anxious by my first doctor's visit that I asked for an ultrasound. Thankfully, the ultrasound showed one baby in the uterus right where it's supposed to be. And we got to hear and SEE the heart beating! It was awesome. At that point (six weeks, 5 days), the baby was so small it was literally just a small blob but we could still see the heart pumping away. Needless to say it was amazing! I had proof that I was indeed pregnant rather than crazy. :-)
Everyday it is incredible to me that such a vulnerable and small thing could actually survive inside of me and thrive and grow. It is truly a miracle that there is something LIVING inside my body. I can't feel it moving yet but I know it is. I can't wait until I feel the first flutters of this miracle that is sucking away all of my energy and waking me in the middle of the night to run to the bathroom. I thought my friend Rachel was being a bit harsh when she referred to her darling Hope as a "parasite" but it seems appropriate now. Despite the physical discomforts of the first trimester, pregnancy is truly a miracle. Knowing that a precious little baby that I will hold in my arms in seven months is being literally knit together in my womb is almost beyond my comprehension.
I still get anxious with every new pain and odd feeling. I have to remind myself daily that God blessed us with a baby at the most unlikely time when I had almost given up hope of natural conception. I should have more faith that if he has blessed us with an unlikely pregnancy, there is no reason not to believe that he can also cause this one inch miracle to grow into a healthy, full-grown baby. I'm finally getting to the point where I can plan ahead and start thinking about things like birthing plans, nursery designs, names, and whether this precious child will turn out to be as much of a nerd as his/her parents.
At ten weeks and 4 days, I have a little over a week left in the most dangerous period and three weeks left in my first trimester. I can't wait to wake up without nausea and enjoy my favorite foods again, but for now I'll accept these unpleasant symptoms as a sign that our baby is happily growing away!
December 2, 2011 (12 weeks pregnant)
When the most exciting parts of your diet for several weeks are CapriSuns and ginger snaps, you start to fantasize about some of your favorite foods…or even the foods that you normally just tolerate. The diet this last week has been particularly monotonous so I decided to make a list of foods that sound good. Hopefully by the second trimester, they will taste as good as they sound.
- Pepperoni pizza…from Mario's and Papa John's
- Sweet tea...I greatly miss this southern, sugary delight
- Spinach Lasagna
- Red Lobster's biscuits and chicken alfredo
- Grilled cheese with pepper jack
- Pinwheels
- Salads
- Mac & Cheese
- Asparagus, corn and carrots
- Fries
- Southwestern egg rolls
- Spinach and artichoke dip
- Peanut butter
- Brie pastry with raspberry jam
- Chicken chili
- Qdoba
- Saltines with cream cheese and red pepper jelly
January 3, 2012 (Today)
I was very helpful that my fourteenth week of pregnancy would bring a magical end to the morning sickness. No such luck. The worst is over but I still have good days and bad days. And it can sneak up totally unexpected. Acupuncture helps but it's expensive. The best I can do right now is try to keep something on my stomach and avoid greasy foods. Hopefully only a few more weeks of this! As an update to the Must Eats...unfortunately most of these foods are still on my bad list. I did manage to make and eat chicken chili and hope to make stuffed shells/lasagna this week. I can eat pizza but no pepperoni. Salads and peanut butter are mostly okay and mac and cheese is back on my favorites list. I'm making a concerted effort to eat healthier and get in lots of fruits and veggies but a few things are working against me. For one, it's winter and there aren't a lot of great fruits out there. Secondly, half of them still nauseate me. I'm also totally paranoid that they've gone bad like the day after I buy them for some reason. Oranges and tangerines, never a pre-pregnancy favorite, have become a daily staple and canned pears aren't too bad. I could live on grape juice.
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