Bedtime prayers and the mundane

It's been a while since my last post because life has been quite busy and, when it's not, I'm just enoying the time with Izzy. Our days vary quite a bit from totally crazy with work, visiting family and friends, errands, loads and loads of laundry, etc. to the few days where I just get to spend my time playing and cuddling with Izzy. The one thing that I can count on almost every single day is our bedtime routine which I cherish. It goes something like this: I feed Izzy, then one of us changes her diaper and puts her in a clean sleeper and a swaddleme. Then, we read her a book and show her the pictures, pray with her, and sing a few hymns. I love that every day we have that 30 minutes where all three of us are spending quality time  together. I also love that we pray together as a family and that we pray for her health and salvation and our wisdom as parents on a daily basis, claiming the blessings that we have as a covenant family. Even on days that have been stressful or where one or more of us have not been feeling well, it's a precious time to slow down and enjoy this new family we have. It's quickly becoming something that I look forward to throughout the day!

I mentioned loads and loads of laundry...one of the biggest surprises for me after Izzy was born. I didn't realize how much laundry one (tiny) person can generate. Not only do I have to wash all of her clothes, burp cloths, sheets, etc. every few days but I also have to do more laundry for Nate and I because she's generous enough to share her spit up and other bodily fluids with us pretty regularly. We've also decided to do cloth diapering for the financial savings which means another load every 1-2 days. All of that means that I'm always switching the next load. Sometimes, it makes life seem a bit monotonous and mundane to be filling up most of my days with such tasks after working full time for several years. Our new assistant pastor, David Speakman, spoke to our small group last month about the Biblical view on work and rest. One of the things that I took away is that right now home is where I want to be and the best place for me. I love spending this precious time with Izzy while she's little and I wouldn't trade it for any career because there's nothing that I would rather be doing. My "work" aside from the three hours of office work I do from home a day, is taking care of my house and my family which means a lot of mundane tasks like laundry and dishes. Being boring and simple doesn't mean that they are unimportant however. For this time in my life, I'm serving God and my family in the mundane monotouny of house life and I'm thankful for the opportunity. Even though I generally despise all things domestic, this is the best job I've ever had!***


***Please note, this is NOT a commentary on my views of biblical gender roles or working moms. Every family needs to do what is right for them within a broad biblical framework of how the family is designed.

Train up a child

When you become a parent, you find yourself thinking and worrying about their salvation as much as you do their safety and health. As much as I want to keep my precious daughter safe in this life, I know that her safety in this life is completely pointless if her soul isn't secure in eternity. When I look at her, I feel desperate to ensure that she comes to know God. At our last Bible Study, we were discussing determinism v. free will in light of suffering, children's salvation and unanswered prayers. It is hard for me to look at my beautiful, helpless, vulnerable daughter and know that she was born in sin and that sin condemns her to hell. I know that in a year or two, that sinful, rebellious nature will begin to manifest itself in obvious ways but right now it's hard to believe. I believe very strongly that God is sovereign and that he elects us to salvation or to eternal damnation. I also believe that we are held personally responsible for our actions and our sin. The fact that God has already elected or not elected Isabelle is both comforting and terrifying. It is incredibly hard to know that no matter what I do, my daughter may never come to know God. It's also very comforting to know that no matter what I do, she may still come to know him in spite of me. On the other hand, I believe that how I raise my daughter will have a huge impact on her life and how she comes to know God or doesn't. I know that there are parents who raise their children to be godly, but their children reject the Lord. There are also parents who raise their children to hate God, but somehow their children come to know the Lord.

I have the amazing opportunity to be instrumental in Izzy's salvation and I don't want to miss that opportunity. While this instruction was directed at fathers, I think it applies to mothers as well: Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. (Eph 6:4). I hope that Izzy receives blessings by having parents who are part of the covenant of salvation and the church. Unfortunately, we are also sinful people who act selfishly so often. I pray that we don't do irreversible damage to our child but I take heart in knowing that she is the Lord's and that he has promised to be faithful to his covenant.

Hannah said to the priest Eli, "As surely as you live, my lord, I am the woman who stood here beside you praying to the LORD. I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the LORD. For his whole life he will be given over to the LORD." (1 Samuel 1:26). This verse resounds with me because we prayed for Izzy for a year before we conceived her and the Lord answered our prayer. It's hard to let go and just trust God with her, but she is so much better off in his hands.

Dear Father,

We are so very thankful that you have blessed us with this precious baby girl. We pray that you will choose her and bring about her salvation. Please give us wisdom and guidance to know how to raise her and how to teach her about you. Help us to create a home where she will always feel safe and loved. Help us to be godly examples for Izzy despite our sinful natures. Surround her with friends and family that can help her to grow into a godly woman who knows and loves you. Write her name on your hands and hold her close.

Amen.

mommy and daddy

The last nine days have been a whirlwind and feel more like three weeks. As exhausting as the sleepless nights have been, Izzy is well worth it. One of the strangest things has been adjusting our thinking to being parents. There's no more quick running an errand or making definite plans. I still find myself surprised to be a mother. It's not just something we're trying out for a few weeks. Being a mom will define and change me for the rest of my life. It's crazy to think of her growing up and becoming her own person. Right now she's so tiny and I just want to freeze time and keep her that way. But I also look forward to hearing her first word (mama of course), seeing her learn to walk and play, and all those other milestones. I know time is going to fly.

One of the best things this week has been seeing how easily and quickly Isabelle stole her daddy's heart. Before she arrived, Nate really wasn't sure how he'd feel. I mean, they pretty much sleep, poop, and eat for the first several weeks so it doesn't sound too exciting. He's also never been big on other people's kids. However, the first time he held Izzy you could tell he was taken. He's protective of her and does a great job at soothing her when she's fussy. He's even figured out the whole cloth diaper thing which is truly impressive. He's going to be a great dad :-)

Isabelle's Birthday

I could literally write pages and pages about the events, emotions, surprises, stresses, treasured moments, and blessings of this week. However, while I could write pages, I realize that not everyone is interested in reading that much so I'll try to spread it out over the next few weeks :-) Right now, I want to capture Isabelle's birth story before the details begin to fade.

As everyone who had the misfortune of seeing me in the last few weeks can attest, I was very very ready to have this baby. I had a feeling however that I was not going to have the normal first baby labor experience of having contractions that gradually increase in intensity and frequency until it's time to go to the hospital. Saturday I could tell Izzy had dropped and I started expecting my water to break even though it's rare. Monday night the contractions kept me up until almost 4am when they finally came to a stop. As I headed for a restroom break before going to bed at 4:20am, I felt my water break. I was excited that it was finally time and that I had a definitive indicator to head to the hospital since I had been nervous that I would go too early/late. I walked in to wake Nate up and his response was to say "no, no, it didn't" and try to go back to sleep. A few minutes later he was still confused about what was going on, but got up and started getting ready. We both grabbed showers, packed the last few items, got a hold of my mom and sister, and headed out the door for the last time as a family of two.

We didn't get checked in at the hospital until 5:09am. At that point I was at 3cm and having irregular contractions. The next three checks showed me at 4cm and my contractions weren't getting regular so they started pushing pitosin around 1pm. I had my epidural at 9am. Izzy's heartbeat would drop too low during contractions so they kept having to reduce the pitosin. They also made me flip sides every 30-45 minutes which required the help of 2-3 people since I was completely numb and immobile from the waist down. This did provide some entertainment when I got testy with Nathan for moving the wrong leg and leaving my left leg bent way behind me....the entertaining part was that he was in fact moving the correct leg and it was actually completely straight and exactly where I was asking him to move it. I was so numbed that I was having some kind of phantom leg experience.

We were all starting to worry that they might have to do a c-section since my contractions were so ineffective and they couldn't push more pitosin because her heartbeat was so unstable and they believed she had wrapped the cord around her. Manda was planning to stay for the whole labor but my mom and grandparents were trying to decide what to do since by 10pm I was still only at 5 cm. Right after they checked me, I started to get intense back labor pains and the abdominal pain was breaking through the epidural. Anesthesia offered an extra dose of concentrated epidural. I was concerned about not being able to feel enough to push but they said the numbness would start wearing off in 45 minutes so I figured that was plenty of time.... they decided to check me again because the pain was still around an 8 or 9 with the extra medicine. 20 minutes after I had been barely 5cm dialated, I was now at ten and ready to push. 18 hours for the first 5cm and 20 minutes for the second 5 explained why the pain had been so bad. Fortunately, my grandparents and Ryan were still there since they had been about ready to leave. Mom, Manda, and Nate had been figuring out who got the comfier couch so they all got up and into action. I had to wait a good 40 minutes for enough nurses to be available to start pushing but the pressure wasn't too bad and the contractions had let up so it wasn't too bad. Pushing was a bit difficult because I was so numb, but it wore off some and an hour later they called the doctor in. I was surprised when they said the head was already out and that I could relax while they got the rest of her out. I only glimpsed her for a minute but everyone else could see that she had the cord wrapped around both her neck and body. It was a huge relief to hear her first screams and see her skin start pinking up. Nate cut the cord while they laid her on my chest. I was absolutely overwhelmed with relief that she was out and safe and healthy. After that, they fixed me up and I got to feed her for the first time before the rest of my family came in to see her.

I've never understood why people are so enthralled with what is a gruesome, painful, and dirty process. I can see now though how absolutely amazing it is to see the life, that until now had been only images on a screen and movements in a belly, coming out into the world as a beautiful, unique person. It's truly incredible. Throughout the labor and birth, we had a lot of friends and family praying for us. It meant so much, especially when Izzy was having a low heartbeat and later as I tried to gather the strength to push after so many hours of labor.

Isabelle Marie was born at 1:05am on June 20, 2012, weighing 5lb. 13oz. and measuring 19" tall.

And that's it for today...

The Waiting Game

Izzy has been full-term for almost two weeks now, meaning that while my due date is still a little over a week away, she's safe to come any day now. I would always prefer today. I've discovered that I go through the five stages of grief on a daily basis-denial that I'm still pregnant, anger/annoyance at the level of discomfort and pain, bargaining or begging God to make today I meet my little girl, depression that he said no, and finally acceptance. While this may seem a bit melodramatic, it's pretty much the truth. I have a long list of things that I would love to have done before she comes but most days I'm not feeling up to making much of a dent in the list. The result is that having more time before she comes does not really mean being more prepared. But I'm trying to remember that she must need these extra days/weeks to be fully prepared for life in the real world. I will be quite happy to hold her in my arms instead of in my belly though!

One of the things that has gotten more difficult is trying to make dinner every day. So I decided to try something different this week. Sunday, Nate and I went grocery shopping. Then we came home and spent about 3-4 hours chopping veggies and meat, making pasta, and packaging everything for the freezer so that we had eight dinners ready to go. I've been quite pleased with the results and with how much easier it is during the week because they only take 15-20 minutes to make and clean-up is minimal. I made three different recipes and split them into smaller portions. Two of them I got from http://www.ringaroundtherosies.net and made a few modifications to: teriyaki crock pot chicken and beef tips for grilling. The night before I just pull it out of the freezer and stick it in the fridge. The beef tips might need a few hours on the counter to fully thaw. The lasagna can be cooked frozen but requires 90 minutes.

Next week I plan to try pot roast, hawaiian chicken and veggies for the grill, slow cooker fajitas and pepperoni pasta bake. Yummy!
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Beef Tips for Grilling
4lb round steak, sliced against the grain
4 cups mushrooms, sliced (I didn't do this)
2 red bell peppers
4 minced garlic cloves
2 green bell peppers
1 large white onion
1 zucchini (I added)
1/4 cup of worcestershire
salt/pepper to taste

Split everything  into two containers (I made it into three and it was enough food for Nate and I with some garlic bread). shake it up, seal, label and put in the freezer. Instructions for Container: Add sliced mushrooms (optional) and Grill in a basket ‘til veggies are crisp and meat is done to your liking (about 15-20 minutes)
Serve over hot buttery rice or with bread or grilled corn.


Teriyaki Crock Pot Chicken
Medium – Large bag of carrots
White Onion into Large Chunks
2 large cans pineapple (undrained) (I recommend only using the juice from the second can)
4 Garlic Cloves
4 Chicken Breasts
1/2 cup teriyaki sauce
1/2 cup soy sauce
Follow directions above, and split everything into two gallon freezer bags (definitely enough food for three meals for two people). shake it up, seal, label and put in the freezer. Instructions for Bag: Add 1/4 cup teriyaki and soy sauce (1/8 each) to crock pot, Cook on low 8 hours or high 4 hours (this was a bit long for high). Serve over hot rice.

Spinach Lasagna
1 box lasagna noodles, cooked and cooled
2 jars favorite spaghetti sauce, add a little water or plain tomato sauce to make it go farther
1 tub ricotta cheese (the small size)
1 bag mozarella cheese shredded (3 cups)
Oregano, Basil, Parsley, Salt to taste
Spinach (1 bag of fresh, boiled or sauteed OR 1 can)
Foil tins (I used four of the mini bread loaf ones which are perfect for dinner for two)

Combine cheeses with spinach and herbs, leaving a little mozzarella for topping.  Layer sauce, noodles, cheese mixture until you fill up the pan. top with sauce and a little mozzarella. Cover with foil and write on top to bake at 425 for 45-60 minutes OR 90 minutes if frozen. Freeze. Serve alone or with salad or garlic bread.

Labor Scare, Baby Shower, and 25

The last few weeks have been…challenging. I've had two unscheduled doctors visits and one trip to the hospital. The good news is that Izzy is doing well and doesn't seem to be bothered by any of it. The bad news is that I'm in so much pain that I can hardly walk most of the time and the doctors can't do anything about it. My feet are also pretty much permanently swollen at this point. I couldn't believe it when they told me last Friday that, if I was in labor, they wouldn't try to stop it. My assumption was that they always try to stop pre-term labor, but apparently they don't once you're at 33-34 weeks because the risks are pretty low. I was pretty much freaking out because I felt totally unprepared. I'm a planner and I had yet to pack a hospital bag, make my "hospital plan," or buy the last few must have items. So I was quite relieved that I wasn't in labor. This led to me getting my hospital bag and least partially packed, phone call list made up, and those must have items purchased over the weekend. Part of me is so uncomfortable at this point that I'm ready for her to come, but I'm trying to remember that it's best for her to stay in at least until 37 weeks. I can't say I'd be too upset if she decided to come right around May 25th though!

Okay, I'll stop complaining now. The last few weeks have also had some fun times. We had our first baby shower! Our small group from church threw it for us and it was a blast. The girls did the girly stuff for the first hour and a half (gifts, yummy food, and a baby questionnaire that I'm quite sure I had the lowest score on). They did a great job decorating with pink peonies, cute baby items and pictures, and beautiful pink desserts (the cupcakes tasted as good as they looked, Ginny!). We were very blessed to get our last "big item" as well as a bunch of other cute baby items and my very own cleaning caddy (thanks to Lauren Beam). After our girl time, we joined the boys who grilled out for us and enjoyed hanging out for several hours. It's been amazing to us how this group has so quickly welcomed us in and supported us and celebrated with us. We have been incredibly blessed!

For my birthday, Amanda offered to clean our apartment from top to bottom. Since I can't do most of the cleaning anymore and Nathan has a ton on his plate with work and his tablet business, this was the perfect gift. As much as I hate cleaning, having a dirty apartment is a huge stressor for both of us so it's been difficult the last few weeks. Manda came over last week and cleaned the whole place so now we can enjoy a few stress-free, clean weeks! She also stayed for dinner which was fun since she's so busy that we don't hang out very often.

Thursday was my birthday and it started a bit cruddy but improved throughout the day. Nate got me a gift certificate for a prenatal massage and I was actually able to get in the same day. It was amazing and exactly what I needed! My lovely friend Heather treated me to dessert at a local dessertery and then we went to a few baby clothes shops. Nate and I ended the evening with a delicious dinner at Olive Garden. All in all, it turned out to be quite enjoyable! Hard to believe I'm 25 and on my way to 30!

The boring details of a busy few weeks

Well, I am definitely in the third trimester. The last week or two have been really busy since my nesting urge has been in full force. Living in a small two bedroom apartment with a sun room for Nate's office and the complication of having a cat (with a litter box that has to go somewhere) makes it interesting to plan for a baby. So I started with cleaning out the two bedroom closets and the laundry closet to make as much room for storing and rearranging/relocating stuff as possible. The nursery had also been home to a very large table full of my paint supplies and other items which have seen been organized and relocated to my rather small desk. My parents generously provided two shelves so that we could actually get Nate's office organized. The biggest project was the large, torn-up yard sale dresser that my parents gave us for Nate since I monopolize our dresser. It's in the nursery because it was too ugly and to go with our pretty bedroom furniture. But of course I didn't want to have all my cute nursery stuff and then a torn up old dresser. So with the help of my dad (meaning he did most of the work), we redid it last weekend.

Here are the before pictures.

The top had this really thin piece of decorative fake wood that had gotten all torn up.
Because it was fake wood, the only option was to remove it and HOPE that what was underneath was usable. After much deliberation, we went ahead and ripped it off...slowly and mostly tiny piece by tiny piece. Then we had to sand it down, but fortunately there was usable wood underneath. Dad, with a little help from me, then put on two coats of primer and three coats of the green paint we went with.

Here's the final product: 

 




















Just a small improvement!!!

After that was done and my art supplies put away, I put together the swing/rocker, my super comfy glider, and a 6-cube shelving unit. I'm also making the crib skirt to go with the cute curtains my mom made so I painstakingly cut out all of the quilt squares for it and pinned them together. Now I just have to sew it... I also pre-washed all the diapers (what a pain!), registered for CPR class and the hospital tour, and called a pediatrician for an interview. I still have a ton left on my "Izzy list," but I feel like I'm making progress and at least have a nursery rather than a storage unit now! Can't wait to get it all done and post pictures! I also put the final touches on my baby registry and I'm determined not to look at it again, at least until after the first shower! (Since people have been asking, we're registered at Target with some stuff available online only but most of it in stores).

Unfortunately, one of the negatives of nesting is that I have little interest or energy left over for other things...like my Corp. Finance course or cooking. The little energy I have has mostly gone into painting. I finally finished two paintings for my mom that have been mostly done for months and I started a really big city scene that I'm excited about. So I'll have to try to strike a bit of a balance. May is going to be crazy with two baby showers, two mommy classes, the hospital tour, birthdays and Mother's day, doctor appointments, finishing the last few weeks of my class, and trying to finish the nursery but most of it should at least be fun!

I got the good news that I most likely have a part-time office job. I'll go in this week to see what the job entails and meet the boss but it sounds like just what I need so we're very thankful for that!

Nate has also been staying super busy between his normal full time job which has a lot going on right now, working hard to try to get this tablet deal, helping me around the house, and trying to deal with my third-trimester mood swings. My prayer is that by the time June comes, we'll have a lot of this stuff out of the way and have a week or two to catch up on sleep before Izzy makes an appearance.